Wow. I don't know that I've ever felt much worse than I do right now.

People who know me, especially people who might have known me in college, know how uncharacteristic it is of me to be late, or to just not show up for something. I am so anal-retentive about time, and being on time, that it led to fights with boyfriends in college. I get near-anxiety attacks if I think I might not be on time to something. I feel like I have been on drugs. 

I don't know what happened this morning. I just do not know. I have never in my life turned off my alarm without realizing it. It's possible Lonestar Gato, knocking around my room at night, could have pushed the off button by stepping on my alarm, but even that seems unlikely. The most likely scenario is that, although I set the time last night, I neglected to actually turn my alarm on. Which, again, is utterly uncharacteristic of me.

The last time I was late to something was nearly three years ago when I had a biology final exam at 9:30 AM and woke up at 9:20.

As soon as I woke up, I called B.Dyl's office and left a message-- which I'm not really sure was non-rambling or coherent. I just sent him an email telling him that I'm going to a change of plea at 1:30*, but that after that I could come to the office and start working on a new project if he would like me to (and, of course, apologizing again). 

The shitty thing is, B.Dyl will probably be really nice about it. I'm sure he's furious, but he will probably be very nice to me. Which will make me feel worse. I'd rather get yelled at, sent home, and then start tomorrow feeling as if we've moved on. I hate that this happened at the beginning of the summer, because B.Dyl doesn't know me, and this is still sort of like a test period to see what I can handle, and what I'm like. I've just shown that I'm irresponsible and cannot be trusted... but that's NOT me at all, and anybody who knows me knows that.

Ugh. I want to vomit. Or crawl in a hole.